The other day I was in Hanover Square (London), eating my cabbage-mustard-ham-and-tabasco sandwiches and humming into the wind, when I noticed a Notice. Reading it, I was notified of the notable parts of the history of the Square, and of the notaries who had lived nearby. But beneath this lively record was something more diverting: the City of Westminster’s old Byelaws for Public Open Spaces. Although I don’t normally enjoy uninvited censure, I found the byelaws hilarious. I think it’s their mixture of seriousness, eloquence and quaintness that makes them so funny. Written in pompous but antiquated legalese, they prohibit ‘annoying’ people, training ‘whippets’ and beating ‘druggets’. They also prohibit all sorts of ludicrous activities, like accidentally defecating on walls, and deplore atavistic actions, like sorting bones or rags.
The byelaws begin formally:
Byelaws made by the Lord Mayor, Aldermen and Citizens of the City of Westminster under Section 15 of the Open Spaces Act 1906 with respect to Open Spaces.
What activities will these august figures restrict? Well, pooing, for one.
5. A person shall not in the open space:—
(i) wilfully, carelessly or negligently soil or defile any wall or fence in or enclosing the open space, or any building, barrier, railing, post, or seat, or any erection or ornament; or any apparatus, appliance or equipment provided by the Council for use in connection with the open space.
13. A person shall not in the open space:—
(ii) wilfully, carelessly, or negligently foul or pollute any ornamental lake, pond, stream or other water, or the water in any drinking fountain or trough
Do you carelessly excrete upon your surroundings? Well please stay out of the open space. That a Square in London needed to explicitly prohibit such activities recalls us to a time when Westminster was much less urbanised and gentrified than today, a time when the public also needed to be reminded that:
6. A person shall not bring or cause to be brought into the open space any cattle, sheep, goats, or pigs, or any beast of draught or burden unless in pursuance of an agreement with the Council, or otherwise in the exercise of any lawful right or privilege, he is authorised to do so.
7. A person shall not bring or case to be brought in into the open space any hawks, falcons or gaming birds.
13. A person shall not in the open space:—
(iii) take, injure, or destroy any bird, or spread or use any net, or set or use any snare or other engine, instrument or means for the taking or destruction of any bird
16. A person shall not in the open space race or train any whippet or dog.
20. A person shall not in the open space sort rags, bones, refuse, or matter of like nature.
21. A person shall not in the open space:—
(ii) beat, shake, sweep, brush, or cleanse any carpet, drugget, rug, or mat, or any other fabric retaining dust or dirt
These prohibited activities will be more familiar to readers, but are still expressed in a manner that sounds strange to modern ears:
22. A person in a verminous or offensively filthy condition shall not lie about or lie upon or occupy any seat in the open space.
25. A person shall not to the annoyance of any person sound or play upon any musical or noisy instrument or apparatus for the reproduction or amplification of sound or sing in the open space.
28. A person shall not in the open space fire or discharge any firearm or airgun, or discharge any missile or squirt or spray or otherwise throw or scatter any offensive liquid, powder or substance.
29. A person shall not fly any model aircraft driven by the combustion of petrol vapour or other combustible substances in the open space.
I really like that things are prohibited because they’re ‘annoying’ and that powder can described as ‘offensive’, and I love the use of the word ‘verminous’. I need to use that word more. Though I might be a little more careful about using the word to describe my fellow humans.
